I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
