he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
