The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What a dumb baby whore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
