in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize