Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's get the cat blown out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
