I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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