i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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