Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
