I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish you could order shots online.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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