I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bring me that man meat
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize