If i come over, it means nothing
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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