and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
