WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
