I cannot find my penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize