I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
