I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I smell like Dick and happiness
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
