I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
