I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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