I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
