A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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