PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
