we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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