from now on my penis is your penis
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
