if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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