Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
