nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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