wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
