My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
