i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
