just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
