dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize