belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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