all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
