all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
