my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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