Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
