I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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