i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize