Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
