So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
