I am in a vortex of obligation.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
