Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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