It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
