Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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