Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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