it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
