I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
