i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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