she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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