Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
