JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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