There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He has the fingertips of a God
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