Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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