Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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