Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
