just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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