Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
