I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
