The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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