Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize