My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
