I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
