That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
