allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
sex in a hospital.. check
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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