It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize