This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
