u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
