Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
