I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize