did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
