Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
