I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
