I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
