now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
