I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize