So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tell your sister to shave her snatch
zippers are such a cool invention
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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