Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
