Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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