You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
