Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
