Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
