there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
