Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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