I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
