my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
did i just pee glitter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
