Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
