What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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