Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize