Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
