bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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