Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
