in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it glows. i had to have it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
