You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
