just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
