Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
