I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
