According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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