Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
