No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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